A Feeling of Guilt.

Have you ever had a friend and did something really messed up to them, where they stopped talking to you and you felt like a complete jerk? 

And then when you find them after years and years over a website and just by seeing  their name you wonder if they still hate you? 

I just experienced that.

Here's a story:

When I was in 8th grade I met this boy. His name, Chris Jones. He was funny and smart and always knew how to make me laugh. we became pretty good friends and eventually found out that our mothers had worked together in the same place. Which, of course, only made us closer. He would come over often and we would play video games with my siblings and we would have so much fun.Well, one night we stayed up for about 12 hours talking on the phone and after realizing how many things we had in common we had came to the conclusion that we should date. He had asked me to be his girlfriend and I had accepted. I was happy at the moment but the very next day he came over and we were sitting on the couch together. I didn't realize it when I accepted but while we were sitting on the couch in my head all I could think was "Holy cow, this guy is like my brother. I can't be his girlfriend." and of course I felt like a jerk when I told him because for a minute there I thin we both thought that we found something good. But we were just too close and too much like siblings. 

Well I'm sure you can imagine that that made things a little tense between us. We ended up not as close. Well being a VERY immature 8th grader, a friend of mine and I decided to make a fake Myspace of a white girl whose name I can't remember. (Although the name Alicia is poking at my thoughts) We, my friend and I, decided to add Chris as a friend. We told him that she was my cousin and we were trying to get information out of him regarding his liking and intentions with me. Eventually he found out and he wasn't too happy about it. It ended a friendship that had ended because we attempted a relationship that probably should have never happened.

Well, I just today, found Chris on Facebook. After all these years, all I had to do was see his name and I felt like a jerk. What I did back then was very stupid and very wrong. The first thing I thought as I sent Chris a Facebook friend request was "I wonder if he still hates me?"

That is, if he ever hated me to begin with. We had a very special friendship. And thinking back on it was probably one of the best friendships that I had when I first moved to Las Vegas. And whether or not it was my fault directly or indirectly, I regret making that stupid fake Myspace and I can only imagine what we would be like now if none of that ever happened.

So this is me forever apologizing Chris Jones. I am sorry for being a dumb 8th grader back in the day. I miss our friendship of sitting on the floor for hours playing Crash Bandicoot, tickle fights, wrestling, and the taking off and throwing of socks... Those were the good days. I hope your life is swell!